Let's Talk About Relationships

Romance, relationships, heartbreak and drama. Most romantic-comedy movies (or TV shows) - specifically aimed at teens and pre-teens - have convinced us all that “you’re not REALLY living your teenage-years, unless you’ve experienced a relationship, major drama, and heartbreak”. But, how true really is that? 

Let’s talk about relationships. 

There is no denying that crushes, and subsequent relationships, are one of the most common experiences that you’d face in middle school through highschool. But, honestly? It’s really not the end all be all.

 

The beauty of being in a romantic relationship, for me, lies in the self-discovery, self-growth, comfort and security you are bound to face. In my personal opinion, all relationships - romantic, platonic, familial - teach you a lesson. And it is your duty to learn from that lesson, and grow as an individual, simply so that your future interpersonal relationships can improve. 

However, the lessons you learn are not always positive - in fact, many teenagers may find themselves in a toxic, abusive or unhealthy relationship (1 in 3 teens have been in an abusive relationship). And the effects of a relationship of that kind are long lasting and severely damaging - including, but not limited to, the victim turning to alcoholism, violent behaviour, or developing  eating disorders.

A few characteristics of an unhealthy relationship are codependence, control, dishonesty, disrespect, and abuse of ANY kind (verbal, physical, sexual, or mental). To gain a better idea of whether you, your (romantic or platonic) partner or your overall relationship is toxic, I strongly recommend reading the following article: 

https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/35-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-business-relationship.html 

I believe that good relationships in your teenage years offer a plethora of experience and knowledge that will, usually, prove to be essential when you’re an adult and looking for a serious life partner. You become aware of what you’re TRULY looking for in a partner and what personality  traits aren’t that important to you.

But, wanting to be in a relationship should never come from a place of conformity or peer pressure; you should never, ever feel like you’re forced to be in a relationship because of either the other person forcing  you to date them or because everyone around you seems to be in a happy, perfect relationship. You can’t ever know what really goes on between two people who’re dating, because social media is just a fragmented reality - altered to showcase only the best side of even the worst of worst relationships.

So, being embarrassed about having never dated anyone isn’t worth it because the truth is, being single doesn’t make you uncool, the same way being in a relationship does NOT make you cool. If you wish to pursue a relationship, then by all means, do so. No one has any right to stop you. But, if you don't wish to be in a relationship, don't fall victim to peer pressure.

However, the same way you should never make someone feel 'uncool' for never having been in a relationship, you should not have a superiority complex over never having been in a relationship.  If you think you are too young to date because your final goal is marriage, so be it - even if other people disagree with you, don’t let them forcefully change your point of view. The same remains true for any other belief you may hold. 

And finally, if or when you get into your first, second or last relationship, always remember your partner is not, and never will be, your “other half”. You don’t need “another half of you”, because you’re complete without them. You were a complete, independent person before they came into your life and the same holds true during your relationship, even if they’re an intricate part of your life. 

“You will never find your other half because you are not half of a person. You are a whole, breathing, and living human being. You have a past, a present, and a future. To say that you will or want to find your "other half" implies that you have never reached your full capabilities because you are missing a vital part to make you whole.”